Law and Order: Life in San Jose

So our scene opens up in beautiful Echo Park

Myself and a female friend have decided to rob a bank.  The actually robbery is pretty hazy in my mind, but somehow I walk right out with a bag full of money.  My picture is suddenly plastered all over the streets, as well as the license plate for my old car (in my dream my getaway car is my old Ford Focus).  Friend and I run away, somehow we did not get captured by the police.  

We round a corner and think we are in the clear.  We start to walk through the crowds of people, trying to remain anonymous.  

But alas, a policewoman spots me.  We start to run up to random houses, hoping someone will let us in so we can play it off as if we are just visiting a friend, not running away from a crime scene.  A random woman lets us into her house after we offer to pay her.  We stay in her living room for awhile, explaining how we robbed the bank and want to get away with it.  After a few hours, we hand her a wad of cash and head on our way.

We find my car where we left it, overjoyed that it is still there.  We decide to celebrate at a friend’s house nearby.  After hours of partying, we go back to my car.  The police have decided to smash it up.

We borrow a friend’s car and try to make a getaway, but end up at a Christmas Party.  After some more drinking, I try to hook up with a 21 y/o wearing a floppy hat, very similar looking to Penn Badgley. Hot. 

 After more partying, we finally run off into the sunset with our money.  

Glorious.  

This dream opens up at Christmas in the Park in downtown San Jose (a real thing).  This is what it actually looks like.

This is what it looked like in my dream

So I’m at this Festival of Craziness with my dance school students, and we’re trying to find out where to perform.  But we are distracted by crazy clowns doing tricks on poles and lots of colorful lights.

We decide to hire an outside choreographer to help us with one of the dances, similar to the weird guy in Bring It On who makes them do that weird robot dance.  

Except ours looked like Jim Gaffigan.

Anyway, all the children are running around this crazy carnival, so I’m trying to reign them in. Jim Gaffigan look-alike the choreographer keeps thinking that I’m my boss, Veronica, and hugging me.  He then insists that he has to insert his own students into the choreography to make it look right.

All of a sudden, children I knew from elementary school at St. Jerome School are being inserted into our dances.  I then look around me and suddenly realize that some of my classmates have brought their younger siblings to join the dances.  Mind you, IRL these younger siblings are more than old enough to drink know, but in my mind they have remained precocious first graders.  

Everyone is put into costume and ready to perform.  

(please note I have no idea who this child is, and it’s fairly creepy I could just find her picture on the internet)

Before we can begin, Jim Gaffigan look-alike the choreographer wanted to take a moment and do a coloring activity that would allow us to reflect on the world around us and tragedies outside our little dance school world.  He brings us an article on a school shooting at a school in Los Angeles, which to my dismay I realize is my alma mater, Notre Dame Academy.  

And as I start to cry, I wake up.  

Well, what the hell does that all mean?

So our scene opens up at a jewelry store.  My boyfriend has decided, in the greatest romantic gesture, to take me to pick out my own engagement ring.  And we’re “engaged now.”  Even in my dreams my boyfriend’s proposal is boring and impersonal.  So, trying to be different, I pick a pink and purple ring.

I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about our engagement so it goes unsaid, haha.  I then decide to go to some sort of foster home/daycare to volunteer and hang out with the kids.  As it turns out, my best friend has a daughter who is enrolled in this daycare.  Her name is Mizzie and she is 6 months old.

She never smiles. Delightful.

While hanging out with the kids, we are watching a preview for a really scary movie.  All the kids and myself are hiding under various blankets, so I throw a blanket over Mizzie so she won’t have to be afraid.  She got really upset and glared at me, an agro 6 month old.  

Emily came to pick up her little angel, so I agreed to get Mizzie and met her outside.   Our other best friend Sheila comes over hoping to meet Mizzie.  However, she had been late because she had spent all day feeling upset over the new 9/11 law, which stated that “all citizens must have a barbecue and eat burgers on every 9/11.”

Reeling from the ridiculousness and awesomeness of this, I woke up.  Awesome.  

Yet again, I close my eyes and a mystical and pretty fucked up world swirls before my eyes.

So my dream opens with myself at a bar, which for some reason I am at by myself.  The bartender is a man in his 40s, looks like a mix of Kevin from the Backstreet Boys and Mick Jagger.

For some reason I find this to be ridiculously attractive.  We start flirting, and I realize that I have fallen in extreme lust with this strange man.  

So of course I go home to my loving boyfriend, where I google said 40 year old bartender.  Turns out he is in the band U2, and is married.  

I think he must be the one standing up.

Anyway, I go back to the bar, sans boyfriend where his wife is now sitting at the bar as well.  She is a ginger, and only marginally attractive.  

She looked like this, except way less make-up.

So I figure, yea I got this in the bag.  As I continue to flirt with U2 40 y/o bartender, I come to find out they’re in an open marriage, and I’m like “all right, let’s do this.”  But he tells me he wants to be with me, and can only do so with Sean out of the way.  He offers to order a hit on Sean, which I start to disagree with, but then he does it anyway.  Not going to lie, I don’t really go out of my way to stop him.  

Suddenly, we’re in a large apartment complex that has a backyard.  Sean is being called out there, and goes running out, but I know what is about to happen.  Out of nowhere, our 5 year old child (a boy) goes running after Daddy.  I grab him and stop him, realizing the gravity of what I have done.  We are both crying as we hear gunshots.

I make my way back to the bar, child has disappeared back into my psyche never to be seen again.  Sorrows forgotten, upon realizing that I can now hook up with the bartender (I’m a pretty terrible human being in this dream, no question).

As we are about to kiss, Sean returns from the hospital, barely a scratch on his head. While the guilt I felt was relieved, I am caught in a precarious position with this other man.  Sean demands that I never see him again, in exchange for his forgiveness.  I agree.

We are all at the supermarket.  I am stalking the bartender through the aisles of the supermarket, while Sean tries to keep a close eye on me.  

I find his ginger wife, and we strike up a conversation. As I’m about to try and find a way to worm my way back into the life of The Bartender, I wake up.

Wow, I’m really fucked up.  

I actually do love my boyfriend, I swear!

See? True love :)

So last night consisted of an epic and adventurous saga deep in my brain.  

It all started with me as Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds investigating a cult with Jason Gideon (also from Criminal Minds). 

Man I am sexy in a nerdy, boner jam-ish kind of way. 

We come up to a large, dilapidated mansion.  Inside, we find children, which we knew to be runaways (obviously due to our FBI databases).  They were all deep under the spell of the cult, and tried to kill us.  As we are running for cover, we stumble upon Gideon’s mother, one of the cult leaders.  Gideon chooses not to address her, but I, Spencer Reid, go up to her and try to make her understand how awful it is for her to try and murder her own son.  Just as she starting to warm up to the idea of calling off the attack, I throw a harpoon through her neck.

With Gideon’s mother incapacitated, the children are free! While they still hate us, they start to run from the mansion in droves.

Suddenly, I am driving in Paris.  As myself, anyway.  So while driving through Paris, I realize that I must’ve flown there and yet I can’t remember.  I realize that I must’ve blacked out during my flight, and then realize I’m lost.  I decided to abandon the car and walk through Paris.

Suddenly, I am at a party for models.  I realize that I am there with my famous sisters, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian.  We are celebrating their younger sister’s modeling careers at a pool party in the ocean.  Yes, the pool was in the middle of the ocean.  And yes, I am a blonde, white Kardashian. 

Man do we look like SISTERS!

Anyway, so we’re in this pool in the middle of the ocean, and this one male model is really trying to get into one of little sisters.  And I get really upset and defensive of my younger sister, so I start yelling at said creeper model.  I tell him that he’s fat, ugly, probably gay, and probably a serial killer.  Just, really laying into this guy.  

Then my sister Kim pulls me away, and we comment on how much alike we look (not joking about this).

So anyway, model that I yelled ends up back at the cult mansion.  I am back to being Dr. Reid with Gideon, and we are confronting the cult leaders and trying to get them to drink beer to help them let go out of their creepy cult anger.  As a side note, cult leaders wear snuggies.

Male model gets drunk, and admits to cult leader and myself and Gideon that he is gay and a sexual sadist.

Then I woke up.  My mind is ah-ma-zing.